i'm very impulsive. like, very very impulsive. i tend to blame this on my bpd a lot, but i do know its bad how impulsive i am. i often put myself into various dangerous situations simply because of impulses and urges. i also get intrusive thoughts that, at the time, i believe are my true feelings, while they are not. i honestly don't know how to stop doing this all the time. its really dangerous, and not only to myself.

im not diagnosed with bpd either, im sure i have it, but its completely untreated. i dont trust doctors or therapists enough to say anything more than "im impulsive". its hard. im not sure what to do. im not willing to tell anyone except my gf whats happening with me and because of that im not getting any help. and trust me, i do want to get better. there are some things i dont want to be "more normal" but since this is actively harming me and my loved ones i do want to at least learn to deal with this..

apologies for basically just venting using this!

mood: shit